baby steps and comfort food

I’m working my way through my recent and very upsetting lack-of-enjoyment-with-cooking phase.

After talking with a few of you about this weird empty-nest phenomenon, I decided to start back with the basics.

I started with very simple foods. I also padded my bet by only cooking my favorite comfort foods.

My attitude really began to change the night that I was so bored with cooking that my dinner consisted of a glass of wine, cheese and crackers. My attitude was “Screw it. I can survive on wine and cheese and crackers. Who needs to cook when I can get everything I need using a cork screw and a cheese cutter?”

Well, that was all good…for the majority of the night. I went to bed with a good book ready for a good night’s sleep until the stomach started to growl….and moan…and then scream for food. Kent was already asleep when I got out of bed and he asked where I was going. I was just slightly embarrassed when I told him “I’m going to make some macaroni and cheese with hotdogs in it.”

The most basic of comfort foods: macaroni and cheese with hotdogs. It was delicious. It made me thoroughly happy and it reinforced that I could still cook something that tasted wonderful.

And so it began. The next night: tomato soup and grilled cheese sandwiches. YUM!

At this point I also decided that I want to stay away from processed foods as much as I can (except when the occasional urge for Kraft Mac and Cheese with hotdogs hits me).

So, this week I made eggplant parmigiana. The eggplant was from the farmers market. I dipped it in eggs and then flour, panko, and seasonings and browned it to perfection. I cooked homemade spaghetti sauce from my home-canned tomatoes and flavored it with my frozen homemade pesto. I layered it all with some mozzarella and baked it until it looked like a picture out of a magazine. It was FABULOUS! (Too bad, so sad for Kent that he doesn’t like eggplant…it just left more for ME!)

Tonight was some simple boneless pork ribs grilled with some awesome BBQ sauce that we bought at a great little restaurant on Grand Ave in St. Paul. I then baked a buttercup squash (another purchase from the farmer’s market) with some butter and brown sugar. Again….pure perfection.

I think I’m getting my cooking groove back. I’ve missed it.

Relationships

Is it just me, or is it human nature?

Why does it sometimes take something bad to happen to make me take stock of the many blessings in my life?

I really try to be grateful for the blessings in my life every day. But I admit, sometimes I get bogged down with my ‘troubles’ and focus only on the bad things.

When I hear about some incredibly painful relationship problems that happen to those I know, my heart goes out to them. My prayers go out to them. And then I take stock of the wonderful...absolutely wonderful...relationships that I have in my life.

My husband: really, there isn’t a more caring, thoughtful man out there that I know of. Sure, we may all give him crap because of his endless pursuit to make us laugh,but a more loyal, kind man you can’t find anywhere. I think it has been his example (by how he treats me) that has taught Lindsay and Brian what to seek in a loving relationship.

My kids: I thank God for my relationship with them every day. There are so many people out there that aren’t on speaking terms with their kids. There are so many people out there that really don’t enjoy spending time with their kids. I cherish every moment I have with them and every email or little text I get from them. They’re both really good people. I’m so incredibly proud of both of them. What I love is that they are so very different from each other, yet they are both such independent, mature, creative, loving adults.

My parents: Wow. What inspirations they are to me! They live every day to the fullest. I know so many people their age (and younger) that just take the easy way out and sit around every day. My parents travel all over the place and when they are home, they volunteer at the mayo clinic and their church, they take lengthy daily walks, play golf, stay active in quilting and various other hobbies. And to top it off they still love me and treat me like I’m the most special person on earth.

My friends: This is another one of those instances, that it took something to slap me up-side the head before I appreciated my true friends. My definition of a true friend: someone that will stand by you through anything, not judge you for stupid things you may say or do, will give you space if space is what you need yet wait patiently for you to come back when you are ready, they always have your back and would never put you down in order to lift themselves up. I am blessed by my true friends.

My God: I can’t talk about my relationships without mentioning Him. We’ve got a good God. Even though we may stray He is always there for us. Always. Always.

My relationships are the most important things in my life. I am truly thankful for them.

I’m not going to wait anymore to be ‘slapped up-side the head’ by hearing of other's relationship struggles before I take time to appreciate the many wonderful people in my life.

I am blessed. No doubt about it.

take it from me

Never.

Ever.

Never Ever.

NEVER EVER SCHEDULE A DENTIST APPOINTMENT ON FRIDAY THE 13TH!

That's all I have to say.

PING!!!!

One of my favorite sounds.

PING!!!!

It's the sound I hear at random times after I've been canning. It's the sound the lids make after the filled-with-yumminess-jars have been processed. PING!!!! means the jar has officially sealed and will safely sit down on our "Sams shelves" for well over a year until we open it and taste its yumminess.

Today: 14 pints of salsa. It's just the beginning...

Deeeeeeeep thoughts in the garden

I spent a few hours in the garden today. Working in the garden is very therapeutic for me.

One of my best friends has shared with me that they are feeling overwhelmed with life lately. I was thinking about this while I walked out to my big flower garden that has been overwhelmed with weeds due to all of our rain and hot weather. Now, I’m not talking about my beloved Johnny Jump Ups “weeds” …I’m talking about the ugly, prickly, suck-the-life-out-of-everything-else weeds.





I have a feeling that my friend is feeling about the same way that this garden looks. The ugliness of the weeds has taken over the beauty of the little things in their life. It’s a ‘hot mess’ as the cooler people amongst us like to say.





I’ve been feeling a bit out-of-sorts and overwhelmed myself lately. I’ve been thinking of myself as a victim. I hate that feeling. That means I’m putting more importance on the ugly things or mean-spirited people in my life than I should be. I’m not focusing on the beauty in my life and all of the people that are truly important to me.

With every ugly weed I pulled out by the roots, I felt a little more in control. With every bunch of ugliness that I yanked out and flung to the side, I felt less like a victim.

As I continued sweating and pulling and digging out the ugliness, I started once again to notice the beauty in the garden. Given their own space, my flowers are beautiful.

Once my attitude started being adjusted I started enjoying the beauty again and my mind began to wander.

- I noticed how wonderful my catmint smelled when I pulled long blades of quack grass from it. I thought of my friend Donna who gave me a small bunch of it from her garden many years ago.





This cat mint has brought beauty into my garden for probably over 8 years. We don’t live close to each other but the beauty of our friendship is that even if we don’t see each other more than twice a year, we still get together and talk like we saw each other yesterday. We still trust each other to be there.

- I remembered how my friend Peg gave me the bee balm and pink mums a couple of years back. They come back strong every year.



Even though our friendship may have taken a break for a few years for whatever reason, we’re still good friends. I treasure her friendship. Like these pink flowers, she keeps coming back as my friend.

- I saw this little beauty underneath some 3 foot high big bold plants. See it under there?



I didn’t plant this little thing. It just appeared. But I couldn’t ignore its simple, quiet, whispering beauty.



I know a person like this. She is surrounded by bold people that tend to overshadow her. But when you focus on her…and her alone…she has a quiet beauty that runs very deep. I don’t want to gloss over people like that.

- I ran across this flower that is done for the season. He’s kinda ugly right now.




But I won’t pull him up because I trust his beauty will be back at another time. I thought about a relationship with a person that has been tense for a number of years. It too was kinda ugly. But we never ended our relationship. I think maybe we both trusted that the beauty would return. This summer our relationship did take a turn for the better. I will take special care with this relationship so it can bloom again.

- And then I ran into this Mo-Fo...I can say words like that now...both my kids are over 21....heehee.



This guy wouldn’t budge when I was trying to yank him out. He stood tall and proud and I nearly landed on my ass when he finally let loose. I thought about some people that are like this weed in my life. They’re not my friends, they're not my family, I didn’t plant them in my life, they’re just there. I allow them to hurt and upset me. I need to yank this type out of my cares. I can’t let them hide the beauty of the other relationships that I am blessed with. So take THAT ya dumb weed! You don’t qualify to get any more of my attention.

See what I mean by therapeutic? I yank out the unnecessary ugliness and I focus on the beauty.

Sigh….

I feel much better now.

a summer favorite

A slice of whole grain bread, fresh-picked tomatoes from my garden, some seasoned salt (Trader Joe's everyday seasoning that comes in its own grinder is really good)and a yummy kind of cheese.



Put it all under the broiler (in the appropriate order, of course) and YUM! A tomato and cheese sandwich! A favorite summer dinner of mine!

Now typically, I put the sliced tomato on the bread, sprinkle it with some seasoning and top it with cheddar cheese. But Brian suggested the shredded parmesan that we have in the fridge.



That was JUST as good as my usual cheddar variety. Kent then suggested the crumbled blue cheese we have in the fridge so I tried that too!



Really good, but I think the cheddar or shredded parmesan are better because of their saltiness.

I've tried fancying it up by adding meats and other vegies, but somethings are best left in their simplest form.

Okay, speaking of cooking, I really have to bring up the question that I've been pondering for a couple of years now.

What would make a woman suddenly lose her love of cooking? AND suddenly become a really crappy cook? I used to LOVE experimenting in the kitchen and the majority of the time my creations were GREAT!

I have to admit that my standard "the ingredients are changing not me" theory is flawed. There are still a lot of people making delicious food...so I hate admit that maybe it's the cook...and not the ingredients.

My other theory is that its just not as much fun to cook for two people as for an entire family. But then why do my dinners just not taste as good anymore when I AM cooking for the entire family?

I am in denial and still play the role of the good cook by exchanging recipes with friends and family....by subscribing to the Food Network magazine



...and by watching the Food Network....but DAMN...I still don't enjoy cooking meals and when I do, they're really not very tasty!

I just don't get it.

A reason for everything

Have you ever felt that you were meant to be in a certain place at a certain time and met someone that you felt you were supposed to meet?

Tonight that happened and I'm still kind of blown away by it. I grudgingly went to a kick off meeting for team leaders of the Steppin' Out in Pink Breast Cancer Research Fundraiser. I've been my company's team leader for the past 4 years, and really didn't feel that I needed to go to this meeting....but I went anyway.

Sandy came to the meeting because she wanted to learn how to get a team together. We were one of the first few there and she came up and introduced herself to me. She is a one year survivor of breast cancer. In the last year she has had a double masectomy and chemotherapy. She was proud of the fact that her hair was growing back and that she didn't have to wear a wig any more.

Our conversation continued. We sat down at a table together. There wasn't one moment of awkward silence in the conversation. We both thought the other looked familiar and decided we probably had seen each other at a church that we both used to attend.

It felt that we were old friends and needed to update each other on our lives...yet we had never actually met before.

We then hit on a subject and found out that because of our meeting, we may be able to some how help a person in her life that really is in desperate need of help.

A fluke meeting? Just happenstance?



No. Sandy and I were meant to meet. I have no doubt.

the continuing debate...seeds or seedless

SEEDED! Definitely seeded!!!




Sure, you have the nuisance of spitting out the seeds...or for those of us who are slightly more refined...picking out the seeds, but is there really any contest?

The old-fashioned seeded watermelon is definitely more flavorful and much sweeter. Why would anyone take a perfectly sweet delicious watermelon and mess it with it? That's just wrong! I guess this makes me a watermelon purist.

Anywho....tonight I cut into this watermelon with the usual concern about whether it will be a wonderfully sweet one, or a dud. You just never know until that first bite!

This one was DELICIOUS! AND FLAVORFUL!! AND SWEET!!!!

Is there anything better in the summer time? (Okay....getting a dozen ears of corn that are all amazingly delicious may rank right up there with the perfect watermelon.)

squishing mud through my toes

Tonight after supper I went out on the deck and saw an amazing storm headed our way. The sky was yellow/orange with fast-moving black clouds. Since it is a Sunday night (a night that I usually spend savoring some quiet moments before the start of the week), I decided to go to the front of the house on our little porch and watch the storm roll in.

It started off with the cliché “quiet before the storm.” Not a leaf on any tree was moving. The birds had even stopped their singing. It’s like Mother Nature was saying to herself “okay! Hold on to your hats! This is going to be a big one!” But the stillness only lasted about a minute…then we noticed the leaves started moving in the tree tops…. then everything was rocking and swaying.

The thunder and lightening were amazing but it wasn’t scare-you-out-of-your-socks thunder and lightening. The rain started coming down in huge drops and then it gave up on the huge drops and just started coming down in sheets.

The smell of the rain was delicious. It wasn’t the smell of worms that you smell after the storm, it was a fresh green sweet smell.

As the rain continued coming down in torrents, it was creating little rivers on both sides of the street.

And that’s when it happened…. a childhood memory literally swept me away in the current of these little rivers.

When I was about 5 years old we lived in West Chicago, Illinois. After summer storms, all of the neighbor kids would run outside and play in these little rivers along the sides of the streets. I distinctly remember the feeling of the warm rain water running over my feet.

Oh, but the part that I loved the very most was the mud at the bottom of these little rivers. Squishing that mud between my toes was the best feeling in my whole wide 5 year old world. It’s weird that I’m now 51 and my toes still tingle at the memory of the oooey-gooey mud slipping through them.

I looked around and didn’t see any neighbors out and about, so as soon as the rain stopped I went out to the street and stuck my feet in the little rivers created by the storm.

But my 51-year-old toes were sorely disappointed. When I was 5 years old, my street didn’t have perfectly planned curbs and drainage thingies that whisked the little rivers and puddles away almost as quickly as the storm made them. And of course there is no mud in the street I live on now. We have street cleaners that come by to sweep up any inkling of dirt.

So, my toes sat there in a tiny little trickle of water flowing over concrete.

If my toes could talk they would have said “what the hell?”

But even though my toes were disappointed, the rest of me thoroughly enjoyed the summer storm from beginning to end.

Leo Tolstoy

"In the name of God, stop a moment, cease your work, look around you." -Leo Tolstoy

We watched an awesome movie tonight. It was "The Last Station." It was about the last year of Tolstoy's life.

His wife and him lived a life full of such passion. I'm not just talking about 'passionate' passion but passion in their beliefs, their doubts, their anger, and their love.

I think I might make an attempt at War and Peace and Anna Karenina.

a perfect deck night

Tonight’s night was well-earned and much-appreciated. It’s been rainy and soggy and humid for what seems like a month.

Brian went outside about 8:30 and yelled “Let’s turn off the air! It’s beautiful out!” I’m not a big lover of air conditioned air. Of course I appreciate it during the sauna days of summer, but man…it’s wonderful to turn it off after a few days!

So, Brian and I grabbed a glass of some yummy strawberry white merlot wine that my good friend Maria made, Kent grabbed a beer, Mags grabbed her favorite tennis ball and we went out on the deck! A PERFECT deck night!

I didn’t take a picture…didn’t want to waste a minute by running inside to grab the camera…but take my word for it…it was breath-taking! The clouds were pink and wispy. My garden is in full bloom. No mosquitoes. This is the kind of night I think about in mid-winter when there is 3 feet of snow on the deck.

Here…take a look at some of the beauty in my garden. I didn’t take these pictures tonight, but all of these flowers are still in full bloom.



sigh….



After 3 days of crazy manic long days at work, this is what I’ll remember as the highlight of my week.

Okay, mosquitoes eventually found us and decided to feast on us so we skidaddled inside. (I can make up words is I want to…It’s my blog.)

I’ve now got my bedroom window wide open and listening to the croaking of the frogs.

A very peaceful night.

Love love love

Some days you just need something to make you smile. And this video does it for me.




It's another smooth stone in my life.

Like no one is watching

I love it when people totally and absolutely and thoroughly feel the music and dance.


I was reminded last week of the “Dancin’ in the Streets" that David Bowie and Mick Jagger did together a loooooooooong time ago. I haven’t seen the video for probably 20 years, but I still remember loving David and Mick’s dancing. If you don’t smile during this video, then you must be having a very crab-assy day.



I showed it to Brian because he had never heard their version before. (How can someone get to be 21 years old and never see this happy happy feel good video? So I decided to enrich his life with it.)


He seemed duly impressed…but I have a feeling he was just trying not to laugh at the 80’s styles. But COME ON, this video should transcend any generation or fashion gap because of its sheer happiness!!!!


Brian then shared this video with. It made me smile too.

Where the Hell is Matt? (2008) from Matthew Harding on Vimeo.

Here’s a guy that dances like a dork…but he does it with soul. Gotta love it!! (I am in the same category as this guy...I dance like a dork....I should probably work on that since I'll be the mother of the bride in just over a year!!!)


These videos qualify as smooth stones in my life!

the slightest touch

The slightest touch moved me this weekend. It was a touch so soft I barely even realized it happened. But I think it was a sign of great love and trust. It came from our cat, Bennie.

Now hang on before you jump to the conclusion that I’m just being a sappy pet lover that thinks that everything her pets do are the most precious things in the world. (Well, I DO think that way but there’s more to this entry than just sappy pet schmooze.)

Normally Ben is way to cool for any kind of show of affection. When he does show affection, you better appreciate it because it will only last a brief moment before he darts off in fear of being discovered that he was being a softy. He likes to be known as tough cat, yet a cat with a sense of humor.

It was the weekend morning that I wrote about in my last entry. I was reading a book and he jumped up to lay next to me….a rare thing….but then I looked down and he had reached over and gently placed a paw on my foot. He reached over….the paw didn’t just randomly lay on my foot. He then closed his eyes and started to knead my foot (for lack of a better word).

Okay call me crazy, but I felt love and trust in that slight touch. His love and trust was overwhelming in that moment.

I’m glad I had that moment with Ben. It was a much appreciated random act of kindness, love, and trust.

Okay, now I’m going to go all philosophical….I hope that I don’t miss other small random acts like this from people. Some people find it hard to show others that they care. A smile may be as much as they can give. With big huggers and demonstrative people it’s easy….but what about those that aren’t comfortable with affection? They still feel love, but they may be very uncomfortable showing any sort of affection.

I think I’ll watch for those tiny random acts of love more. I’m also going to show a little more affection too. Don’t worry I won’t be mauling everyone with hugs every five minutes, but I am going to try for more small random actions that show I care.


hmmm...we can learn alot from animals.

Something Peaceful

As much as I like to sleep in on weekends, there is something peaceful about waking up early….before every one else.





Coffee tastes so much better when I drink it in complete solitude in a house still snoozing. Even the dog and cat have gone back to sleep to allow me a little more time to listen to the quiet.

Now don't get me wrong, I really love to sleep in on weekends. This sleeping-house-peacefulness doesn't make me want to set my alarm to experience it. That wouldn't be the same. But when for some crazy reason I do wake up early, it is lovely. Simply lovely.

Playing ball

For Maggie, our dog, her true passion in life is playing ball.

She usually talks me or Kent into a nice game of ball in the back yard after work. I can’t help but love her love for running back and forth and back and forth and back and forth as fast as she can after a dirty tennis ball.

Look at the sheer exhilaration and happiness and intense speed while she’s in the middle of a ball game!



Tongue hanging out….a smile on her face….not a care in the world….just enjoying what she’s doing right that second and doing it with every bit of energy in her body and every bit of enthusiasm that she has.

Even if I’m not the one playing ball with her, I usually watch her from the deck or through the window just to see pure happiness in its simplest form.

Weeds are flowers too

“Weeds are flowers too, once you get to know them.”
- A. A. Milne, 1882-1956

I’m kind of a quote freak. I remembered the above quote when I was in my garden. There’s one “weed” that I just love…The Johnny-Jump-Up.

Every time I see a Johnny-Jump-Up in a new place in my garden, I smile. I can’t help it. I’m not sure if it’s their name, or if it’s their simple purple flowers, or if it’s the fact that they pop up whenever or where ever they feel the need to spread some beauty.

I planted my first Johnny-Jump-Up about 8 years ago. I bought him at a house with a “perennials for sale” sign out front. (I’ve never seen a Johnny-Jump-Up in a ‘real’ garden shop…thus the debate whether they are a flower or a weed.) Johnny came home with me in a Styrofoam cup. Since that time he has spread and multiplied and moved from garden to garden. He never seems to be in the same place twice.

He’s not like other weeds that move in and take over the whole garden and kill off the other flowers. He just happily co-exists…spreading his simple beauty…not hurting anybody.

I once shared some of my Johnny-Jump-Ups with a friend. She ended up hating them and uprooting them wherever they decided to spread their beauty. They would pop up in unexpected places in her well-planned garden. It drove her nuts….and Johnny knew it. He took it as a challenge to keep finding new places in her gardens. Gotta love the spunk of Johnny-Jump-Ups!

Johnny-Jump-Ups definitely qualify as a ‘smooth stone’ in my life. My $1 investment 8 years ago continues to make me smile every summer.

I can learn a lot from Johnny…keep spreading whatever beauty you can, in whatever way you can, wherever you can….whether it is wanted or not. Someone may get a smile out of it!

The smooth stones in life. This blog's purpose.

The smooth stones in life.

Every blog has a theory/concept/theme, right?

Some blogs are full of angst and their prime purpose is for the blogger to release all of the anger inside of them. This isn’t that type of blog.

Some blogs are written by very creative people and are filled with beautiful photography or amazing prose. This isn’t that type of blog. (But I do hope to re-kindle my long lost love of photography!)

Some blogs are jam-packed with information and can teach you how to do just about anything to perfection….again…not that type of blog.

In this blog my sole purpose is to work on the health and well-being of the soul. I don’t hold a degree in theology. I’m not a trained psychologist. What I do know, however, is that there are amazing things all around us….in all of our lives…that are over-looked and under-appreciated. And those small amazing things are the very things that can bring richness to our lives. THIS is what my blog will be filled with….the little under-appreciated blessings in our lives.

If nothing else, this will be a journal to record the many blessings in my life. I encourage anyone who may be reading this to look for these little under-appreciated blessings in their lives. They are out there, you just have to open your eyes to them.

Even during the hard times in life, these things are out there. Sometime you just have to search a little harder for them. I know that search will prove successful. What you find will be amazing.

The title of the blog? That comes from a trip to Duluth, Minnesota. Lake Superior is there. It’s huge. It’s massive. It’s beautiful. Many photographers have captured its beauty in many different ways. But what I found amazing were the rocks on its shore. They are amazingly smooth from the hundreds of years that they have been pounded by the waves. They rounded and smooth and multi-colored. They’re beautiful. It makes me feel good to hold one in my hand and feel the smoothness. These rocks are one the under-appreciated and over-looked things in life, that are right in front of us yet many don’t even see them or take the time to pick one up and feel it’s beauty.

This is what’s good for my soul…the smooth stones in life. I want to appreciate them and search them out.